Online dating sites are for normal people, and therefore they suck. Between my personality type and intelligence, I really am one of those 1-in-a-million guys. I did the math. Well, I lied. It's really 2.5 in a million.
Between being a rare breed of male and having a few sub-optimal relationship experiences, I've become a bit cynical and (as a result) very picky. I'm tired of women that think that my personality traits are flaws that need to be fixed, so I'm looking for someone a lot more like me. Unfortunately, women like me are only about twice as common as men like me, so the number of women would really be more like five in a million.
Yahoo Personals has a pretty large group of people, so after trying (and hating) a half dozen other sites, I've stumbled across Yahoo Personals. Anyway, so I updated my search criteria last night, after taking a few more of their tests to see what they think I'm really looking for in a woman. As a result, my search results include five women. Yes, five. Not fifteen... not fifty... not five hundred... five. A 25 mile radius from me effectively covers all of Los Angeles within an hour driving time, so there are five women in Los Angeles that meet my basic criteria.
For me, the basics include:
1) A personality type somewhat like me. In yahoo's terms, this includes "Explorer, Idealist, Rebel, and Observer." At least, I think it does. That's what I checked off.
2) The two love styles yahoo recommends: "Romantic, Passionate." Well, I'll take their word for this. I know from experience that this stuff is important, and I don't feel like writing up an essay on what I do know, so I'm just going to leave it at that.
3) I don't care about height, but the freak that I am, she has to be smaller than me.
4) Hair: she has to have hair. If it's graying, she's probably way too old for me. Setting my limit at 35 is almost too high.
5) She can't have kids, but there has to be room for the possibility.
6) She has to have a college degree.
7) She can't smoke.
8) She can't still live with her parents. I moved out when I was eighteen. This is a maturity thing for me.
9) She can't be religious. My atheism/militant agnosticism would either wind up pissing her off or driving a wedge between us.
10) She can't be a freaking republican. I don't want to date anyone that likes Bush (as in George W... I can work with bi).
Yes, I got five results. If I had put in my preferences for hair and eye color, I would have gotten all of zero results. Wow. I'm a freak. Well, this is what *really* makes me a freak:
To the beautiful Swedish woman that is one of those five (that may potentially be bothering to read this lame post): you can't blame the run-on sentences and sentence fragments in your Yahoo! profile on MySpace's Tom.
If Yahoo! Personals was made for people like me, then it would have the following features:
1) I would be able to edit all of the grammar and spelling errors in the profiles I read. These corrections would be sent to the original writer. The person that doesn't get pissed off and that doesn't think that I'm some stuck-up snob would be rated higher on my scale.
2) Yahoo wud fltr out peeps that think their to cool too uze reel wurds. u rock. ur da bom. wazzup!
3) An IQ test that is capable of accurately scoring above 115 would be required.
4) People would not be allowed to ignore you. At the very least, they have to click a nice button saying they've rejected you. Have a nice day.
5) There would be a question about the person's OS of choice (e.g. Mac OS X, Linux, Windows, Solaris, FreeBSD...)
6) There would be another question asking which of the following is/are real operating systems:
a - lie nux
b - mac oss ex
c - winblows
d - net bdsm
e - windows experience
f - lisa
g - darwin
h - eliza
i - yellow dog
j - Windows 3.1
7) What's a grit?
I have one good thing to say about Yahoo! Personals: I haven't gotten any spam yet.
Match.com is full of spammers. I'm not sure if they are automated programs or if there are actual people typing this crap, but some profile with a picture of a pretty girl will contact you, pretending to be interested. After about a half dozen e-mails consisting of absolutely no useful content, the "girl" will ask you to check her out on her webcam. Of course, this is an attempt to get you addicted, thinking the webcam girl is actually interested in YOU. Don't bother. You can say crap like "suck my fat hairy monkey balls," and you still get responses along the lines of "great! I'll see you there!"
Believe it or not, True.com is even worse. True.com will send out winks to other people on your behalf without notifying you that it sent them. As a result, you get random rejections from people that aren't interested in you. Likewise, you get random winks and e-mails from people that also aren't interested in you. Of course, this makes it freaking impossible to tell whether any of the people are actually real or if it's just True.com being horrible for you. All of this is before you even give them any money! I didn't even bother to sign up for the free trial, since I was already being spammed like crazy just for creating a profile.
Anyway... what this all boils down to is that there are a lot of normal people on these things... you know, people that have an IQ of a little over 100 that are all just like everyone else: down-to-earth, outdoorsy, loves reality TV shows, organized... all the crap that drives me nuts.
Maybe I'm just better off flirting with the pretty girls that work at restaurants. What does it mean when I've started to pick restaurants based on the girl rather than the food? What, you think I should ask these girls out? The odds are so slim that she'll meet my minimum criteria, that I would rather live in blissful ignorance, letting her smile at me as she brings me my food.
I will never again explain the difference between a modem and a computer.
